Struggling...

Have you ever felt like you are underwater and just cannot get back up to the top, or in a really deep black hole, or stuck under a blanket and the air is getting thick???

Well that's this week for me... It's all coming in around me and I am feeling very vulnerable and a bit loopy. And that is what this blog is all about... keeping me from devouring myself with these god awful thoughts and emotions.

And so when I think of myself under water unablge to get back up, then I musst change my thoughts to : Well, at least I have this lovely gentleman by my side, or What a lovely hole. The shade of black is one I have never seen before. When I am out I shall definitely try and recreate that colour with my water colour pencils, or Ooooh, it is sooo warm and toasty under this here blanket...

If I look on the brighter side of it all, I am sure I will find something that is wonderful... something wonderful must be out there somewhere on the floor, amongst the dirt, the lego, the scrap paper, the dirty clothes, the toys cars and the dog fluff... I'm just not looking hard enough.

But when I do look harder, I see a little hand pushing the Lego car along, crashing into the other little hand holding the Lego jet-ski, or I see the big brown eyes looking at me soooo lovingly from their frame of chocolate brown doggy fluff. Sometimes I see the little pile of dirt and dust and imagine if it could tell me stories just what tales of wonder and adventure they would be...

So, here I go for another day in the life of me, collecting the debris of a family, depositing it into it's respective place in the house, planning and preparing the evening meal, and the snacks... don't forget the snacks, feeding the chooklets and the mice, and the worms, checking on the GP's, patting the dogs, waiting for the front gate to close behind my two Little Men before we start the evening process.

Hmmmm....